The lie we've all been sold about success
I put my book writing on hold for 18 months.
I had 2-3 different books I wanted to write and couldn't decide which one. Each felt important. Each had a clear message. And I kept going back and forth.
Pretty ironic for someone who coaches leaders on decision-making.
Then I went to a book writing event in Atlanta last week to gain some clarity on the message I really want to share and teach.
Two days. A room full of leaders, CEOs, founders, executives, business leaders. Each with one clear unique strategy they wanted to share.
I shared with one of the speakers that I had a couple of different concepts that I felt were important to share and after I explained my different ideas she pulled me aside quietly and asked: "Do you like emotional intelligence and decision-making better? Or process development and communication better?"
My answer was immediate.
"EQ for sure. Without it, it doesn't matter what your growth strategy is, your KPIs are, or how strong your operational processes and communication methods are. The leader will stall out."
She nodded. "That's your book."
And she's right.
I had a big awakening at that event.
Most people think professional success is all about numbers, negotiations, org charts, and KPIs.
And those things are super important. Professional success cannot be reached without them.
But here's what the research, and 20 years of working with highly successful people has taught me:
According to TalentSmart, emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of success across all types of jobs. Not strategy. Not numbers. Not operations.
Emotional intelligence.
And yet, I watch leaders with good numbers, strong teams, and solid KPIs negotiate what they think they want, only to find they didn't actually achieve success and fulfillment.
Because success isn't just an outcome. It's an emotional reaction to how you enjoy the ride.
Nobody's teaching you how to navigate that.
The Problem
We've been sold a lie.
Work hard. Hit your numbers. Build a strong team. Make smart decisions. And professional success will follow.
But a study published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior found something fascinating: leaders with high emotional intelligence see 20% higher team performance than those who rely on strategy and operations alone.
So why aren't we talking about this?
I watch brilliant leaders do everything "right", and still end up burned out, unfulfilled, or making decisions they regret.
I sit on a board with a CEO who built a $50M business and sold it, only to realize he's miserable because his identity was the business.
The founder who negotiated the partnership she thought she wanted, only to regret it six months later because she made the decision in a season of overwhelm and exhaustion.
The executive who hit every KPI but can't figure out why the team keeps second-guessing her.
They did everything "right." But something's missing.
And that something is advanced emotional intelligence.
Not the soft, fluffy EQ training about empathy and active listening.
The sandwich method of emotional intelligence rooted in neuroscience that nobody is talking about.
What I Mean by the Sandwich Method
Here's what most EQ training misses:
It's not just about understanding your emotions or reading other people's feelings.
It's about avoiding the traps that derail even the smartest leaders.
Ego traps. The belief that you don't need help. That only you can lead your team. That admitting you have blind spots is weakness. That getting guidance from both inside and outside of your industry shows that you are not a strong leader-this is by far the most common self sabotage trap for leaders. It is a lot easier to believe that you have all of the answers than to trust that people who have more experience both inside and outside of your industry bring perspectives that can propel you if you open up your mind.
Emotional reaction traps. Making high-stakes decisions when your nervous system is dysregulated. Letting fear, frustration, or pride hijack your prefrontal cortex and drive the call instead of strategy. Pride is a dangerous emotion for weak leaders, they allow their pride and over confidence cause “tunnel vision” stifling their growth without them realizing it.
Decisions made in seasons of burnout or overwhelm that you will regret. The partnership you said yes to because you were exhausted. The hire you made because you were desperate and it was a “warm body” but you knew deep down not the person who can elevate you to the next level. The exit you rushed into because you couldn't see clearly and just wanted out.
This is the sandwich method: Self-awareness on top. Strategy in the middle. Self-regulation on the bottom.
You need all three. And most leaders are only working in the middle.
Ask Yourself:
Have you ever made a decision you regretted, not because the data was wrong, but because you weren't in the right state to make it?
Are you chasing success or chasing fulfillment? And do you know the difference?
What would change if you could see your ego traps, emotional reaction traps, and cognitive dissonance in real time?
What This Actually Looks Like
I worked with a client recently who came to me with everything figured out on paper.
Strong numbers. Solid team. Clear strategy.
But she kept second-guessing herself. Delaying critical decisions. Feeling stuck.
After just 90 days of working together on advanced EQ, the sandwich method rooted in neuroscience, everything shifted.
She could see when ego was telling her she didn't need input. She recognized when emotional reaction was masquerading as logic. She stopped making decisions in seasons of burnout and started making them from clarity.
She didn't just hit her KPIs. She actually enjoyed the ride.
And here's what's interesting: companies that invest in EQ development see measurable ROI with some organizations reporting productivity improvements of 18-25% within the first year.
That's not soft skills. That's a strategic advantage.
Why I'm Writing This Book
Leaders come to me brilliant, capable, accomplished.
They've built successful businesses. They've navigated complex partnerships. They've hit their numbers.
But they're stalling out. Or worse, they're succeeding on paper and miserable in reality.
And nobody's teaching them how to build a successful career AND enjoy it. How to navigate exits without losing yourself. How to make critical decisions that lead to REAL success, not just financial outcomes.
So I'm writing the book I wish existed.
It's built on neuroscience using my scientific background combined with patterns of success and failure I've seen in my own life and in the lives of highly successful people I've worked with and studied.
CEOs who sold for tens of millions. Healthcare leaders managing thousands. Finance executives making billion-dollar calls. Celebrities navigating public scrutiny. An honorary billionaire who almost lost himself during a season of change.
It's about neuroscience, the cognitive traps, and the sandwich method of emotional intelligence that turns good leaders into fulfilled ones.
How to avoid ego traps. How to recognize emotional reaction traps before you make a decision you'll regret. How to stop making critical calls in seasons of burnout or overwhelm.
How to make the critical decisions that lead to real success.
Not just the kind that looks good on paper.
If you're wondering whether ego, emotional reactions, or cognitive dissonance is affecting your high-stakes decisions, I built a Decision-Making Diagnostic tool that shows you exactly where these traps might be running the show.
It takes 5 minutes. You'll get clarity on what's actually driving your decisions, and what might be holding you back from real success.
Take the diagnostic here: https://decisiondiagnosisfounderandceo.netlify.app/
Because success isn't just about hitting your numbers.
It's about enjoying the ride while you do it.
I'm rooting for you,
Kasey
P.S. The book is still untitled, but it's coming. If you want to be the first to know when it's ready or if you're a leader with a story about navigating success, fulfillment, and the emotional traps nobody talks about reply to this email. I'd love to hear from you, you might make it into the book!