Most People Don't Know How to Use the Room

I sit in a lot of high-level rooms.

Board meetings. Advisory councils. Industry conferences. Rooms where decisions get made that shape businesses, industries, careers.

And I watch people enter these rooms and completely misread what's required of them.

Some people dominate. They talk the most, make sure everyone knows they're there.

Some people compete. They position themselves as the expert, the one with all the answers.

Some people shy away. They go quiet, hoping nobody notices they don't feel like they belong.

None of these approaches work.

And I watch people waste the invitation they worked so hard to get.

What I don't see enough of? Mutual collaboration in the way that has maximum impact.

That's the difference between people who get invited once and people who keep getting invited back.

What I See People Get Wrong

They dominate.

They talk the most. They make sure their voice is heard. They think that's what earns respect.

I get it. You worked hard to get in this room. You want people to know you belong here.

But these rooms don't need more noise. They need insight. And insight comes from listening first, then contributing strategically.

They compete.

They try to prove they're the smartest person in the room. They subtly undercut others to elevate themselves.

I understand the instinct. You're intimidated. You think if you don't prove your value immediately, they'll realize you don't belong.

But high-level rooms don't reward competition. They reward collaboration. The people who thrive make everyone else better.

They shy away.

They're intimidated. So they don't contribute. They hope nobody notices.

I've felt this. Walking into a room thinking "I'm the youngest person here. I'm the least credentialed. What could I possibly offer?"

But here's the truth: if you're not contributing, you're not valuable. And if you're not valuable, you won't get invited back.

What Actually Works

I was barely 30 when Allergan, a $63 billion pharmaceutical company, invited me to speak about compensation strategy.

I walked into that room thinking: I'm a PA. What am I doing here?

But I'd built something they needed. And instead of trying to prove I belonged, I focused on how I could help them.

I was invited to tumor board meetings with the top cancer surgeons in Los Angeles.

I was the only non-surgeon in the room. I could have stayed quiet. Or I could have tried to keep up with their medical expertise.

Instead, I asked: "How can I support you from the front lines? What would make your job easier when patients come to you for that first consult about life-threatening treatment?"

I made their work easier. That's what made me valuable.

At Allergan, I didn't compete.

I said: "Here's what I've built. How can we align this into your process? How can I support your team?"

I partnered. That's what made me indispensable.

At UM President's Council, I don't talk about what I've accomplished.

I ask: "What are you working on? How can I support that?"

I show up for their projects. They show up for mine.

That's mutual collaboration. That's maximum impact.

The Secret

Most people think the way to earn your place is to be the loudest, the most confident, the most credentialed.

I thought that too. Until I realized nobody cared how much I knew until I showed them how I could help.

The secret is bringing something of unique value. Being humble and curious enough to ask questions. Supporting others as much, if not more, than yourself. Innovating in ways that help everyone.

When you walk into a room above your level, your job isn't to prove you belong.

Your job is to figure out how to make everyone in that room better because you're there.

Ask how you can support, not how you can shine.

Partner, don't compete.

Show up for others before you ask them to show up for you.

That's how you stay in the room. That's how you get invited to the next one.

And that's how you build a career where the best opportunities come looking for you.

Listen, I know what it feels like to walk into a room where you're the youngest, the least experienced, the most intimidated.

But you got invited for a reason. You have something to offer.

Don't waste it trying to prove yourself. Use it to help others.

That's what they'll remember. That's what gets you invited back.

If you're in rooms above your level and you're not sure how to show up in a way that creates real value, reply to this email.

Sometimes you just need someone who's been there to show you what actually works.

Talk soon,

Kasey

P.S. The people who dominate the conversation rarely get invited back. The ones who make everyone else better? They become indispensable.